Tuesday, September 29, 2009

New neighbor (Ghengis khan)

Hey hey, how are you? Well, I'm doing okay. Apparently Ghengis Khan is living next door me. A new neighbor; quite a character you may say. My first meetings met him with his door open, exposing his shanty apartment that makes my "Shoebox" look rather lavish. He sleeps on a 2 inch thin mattress, and sits "Indian Stlye" all day. Hey, to each his own right??? Well on Saturday I did play some music and kind of Rock Out in the afternoon, and he called the landlord to tell me to quite down. We had an awkward look like Rocky and Drago from Rocky 4 (Which I've watched on Korean TV about 15 times since i've been here.) But, I'm laid back... No problem, I understand that I play my music too loud.

Tonight was different. While I was phone teaching (My much hated duty after work while, at home, I'm calling up students and talking about how much rice they had for breakfast and lunch) The second Korean War broke out between my poor old landlord, who has always helped me out (and yelled at me from time to time due to my lack of recycling observence, and having an x-girlfriend camp out in my hallway until I came out; messier than I care to go into now), and Ghengis apparently screamed as loud as I've heard anyone yell at anyone. I even heard him banging his fists. I so much wanted to hang up the phone and give him a "MacArthur". In Korea, this is especially RUDE because the landlord is an old "Ajoshi", or respectable elder man, and Douche-bag Ghengis apparently is psycho.

Unfortunately, I was working and had a schedule of 7 students to talk to back to back and would have had my balls busted if stopped my calls. What I really wanted to do was go "straighten" out my new Korean neighbor for "messing" with my very old and kind landlord who's become my buddy over these 10 months. He loves these kittens around our apartment and seems as content as anything when he feeds them, so of course I buy him tuna and say "KEETEN MASHEETA" and give it to him once a week. That translates to the kittens think the tuna is delicious. Even though I hate cats, I see the purity of joy in his eyes as he feeds them.

So basically, if my Korean-Hulk-Ghengis-Khan niehbor Fucks (excuse the language) with Mr. Miyagi again, I'll incorporate my excellent diplomatic skills, or I'm gonna drop him like a boiling pot of Kimchi Soup.........lol.

Sadly, this is the first true negative douche-bag experience of a Korean man I've encountered. 10 months in and my purity is lost.
PS-When I came home he calmed down apparently; he had his door open and was pissing in his bathroom with both doors open. Too much "Soju", or just a Napolean-Complexed douche??? I'll find out..........Even if I have to wax my landlord's car and take a small boat so he can kick me off and show me balance.....

Friday, September 25, 2009

Swine Flu Survivor ( Not Really)

Aaah. What would shadow be without light? Happiness without sadness? Love without hate? Pleasure without pain???? You get the point, I hope. Well now I'm in health after sickness...again. I woke up on wednesday night with a severe fever, the shakes and I almost fainted taking a piss in the middle of the night. My first thought, I must call in sick to work. For many reasons, I was not at first content with this decision, even though certain death was approaching (LOL). I felt "Fluish," and Korea has a mass panic of "every foreigner has Swine Flu and infects their precious purity" policy. I swear to God it's true. When I cough on the street 10 people jump out of my way which actually makes my commuting to work through 10 million people a little easier.

The students' parents have made ECC install hand sanitizer machines on each floor of my school. My students only use the sanitizer 30 times a day and that keeps the old Ajummas (helper Grandma teachers)on their toes. They have to earn their $4 an hour somehow...lol.

My dilemma was, however, is that when a teacher calls in sick the whole school goes into chaos because of the fact that we don't have substitute teachers and we are teaching at least 8-9 classes a day, some of which are hour long classes; all your "friends" have to pick up your classes which somehow reminds me of basic training when that one dude cries for home, doesn't crease his pants, and has the rest of the platoon punished on hi behalf. My pants are clean and creased, but, like we all do, we hate resentment when we can't help ourselves..... but, I could barely stand up and go to the phone without a blanket over me. Shivering and ill. Just imagining the "warm" words of my boss, only in her mind thinking of the massive amount of delegation-giving among my co-workers to what they probably thought was a hangover. Their Nazi ways of keeping sick days at a minimum is purely Third-Reich. And like Totalitarianism, has many people crawl into work, throwup, and go home after painful hours. Me.....I have a theory: If I can't get out of bed and take a piss without feeling like shit through a blender, I'm not going to work. After all, I have less than 2 months and have done and outstanding job (Self-Kudos used to be few and far between..sorry).

I called my boss really early and she didn't get back to me until 5 minutes before my first class started. What I told her was a white Lie that made perfect sense. Here it goes: I have a severe fever, can't walk or get out of bed (all true), it may or may not be Swine Flu, but I "talked" to my Doctor brother and he said I should "quarantine" myself from everyone (especially my students and staff) for a day. If my symptoms got more "flu-like" that I should check myself into a Hospital to be checked out for the H1 Swine Flu Koreans are shitting about.

Well, it worked out the way I expected. She had nothing to say about her worries for my health, especially not the courteous "I hope you feel better,"and I returned into my coma for 36 hours of viral hallucinations; some of which were quite interesting. I woke up this morning, no Flu symptoms except a fever and achiness, and roughed it to work.

PS- You think you have it bad when your home sick and have to watch dull TV? Try watching untranslated Korean TV for two days in bed. I looked in my Korean translator book for "Suicide" and it directed me to the KBS cable network....shit....at least I feel fine now.

I guess my two main points are as follows:

1.) Don't expect any sympathy from a Korean boss about your fever, pain, hallucinations, and lack of walking capability, and:

2.) Every time I get sick or feel pain over here alone, it only makes me a stronger person...........hell yeah!

Saturday, September 19, 2009

Happy Birthday Aiden (My Boy)

Dear Aiden,
My little buddy. I miss you so much and want to wish you a very happy birthday! I'll be cooking you egg sandwiches very soon when I come back. Also, be very afraid because I heard Man-Bear-Pig is coming to your house probably at the same time I do..........and yes, Chucky Cheese is definitely in the future.........

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Fall has Fell

Fall has come to Seoul and I am very happy. The humid and horrid Summer is over, and I can finally walk a block away from my apartment without being drenched. It's good times as usual over here. I love the Fall weather and living in this city at this time is great because it reminds me of New York in the Fall. My friends and I just grabbed some beers at at the equivelant of a "7-11" in Korea, and they actually have tables where you can just sit outside, have a drink, chill out and people watch. It's a great concept, one of many over here that I think the states should consider.

Anyway, the start of the season when I will return has approached, and I'm very happy to look forward to my journey back. But not yet.......

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Happy Birthday Dan and Olivia

Happy Birthday Dan and Olivia. I'll see you guys soon. I hope you have a nice birthday, and I know we'll have a good time when I return...........................................................

Thursday, September 10, 2009

8 Years Later

Anyone who knows me knows I am very passionate about what happened in New York 8 years ago. The innocence lost, the recognition of vulnerability, the new era of pre-emptive strike, and all that followed. I was lucky,...I didn't lose anyone that I know that beautiful and horrific day. I remember it so vividly. I will never forget it. It was one week before I was to start my work at Saturday Night Live. I thought the subways would be scary; my fears took a stronger side.

Religious "fanatisism." Ain't it a bitch. No God I have ever studied, including "Allah" has condoned suicide in the name of religeon. It's interesting now, my mindset. I had a great friend over here who was more than liberal always justify the acts of the people against America. I understand now more, that I'm overseas, that Americans think all they do is great. Sometimes that's not the case. But let me get this straight, and I tell all the American "Liberalists" over here( and there are more than you would believe). ......................There is nothing glorious about killing women and children on a plane, and taking away fathers and mothers in the name of any God.

Below is a congregation of clips of the towers being hit. I don't believe in showing them off; it's just that we need to remember the tragedy so that we can avoid it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1lKZqqSI9-s -----Video Collage of September 11

P.S.- On a smaller note, I hope Bin Laden is enjoying living in a Pakastani "Bathhouse" enjoying the weekly rent of having to give up his cornhole to a hairy superintendant. Although he might like that. Well, now he knows how it feels to lose a loved one for his "Fatwah" of resolution. We just killed one of his sons in an air raid. Well, at least he has his health?????????

Tuesday, September 8, 2009


They say that "ignorance is Bliss." Well, I'm not so sure I believe in that anymore. My life over here is full of "bliss," and I don't consider my state of mind as ignorant. So, therefore the saying must be wrong; I guess most ignorant people are blissfull, but what about those that are not ignorant and feel bliss???Well, you can talk to me about that.

On the wild Korean forefront, my new girlfriend is absolutely georgeous. Trust me when I tell you that she is an 8-9 on the American standards. She is soo cute, so intellectual, and loves my guitar playing, singing, intellect, and for reasons unknown my bald-ass head. She calls me her "Cherub" which I haven't shot down yet due to acceptance. Really. How am I gonna tackle that issue when she has made a "pet name" for my inadequacy? Anyway, we have a hiking trip planned next weekend upon the broader Korean Plane. Should be interesting.

These pics are of our walk through the "man made" stream that runs through Seoul. Apparently, this stream was so significant (the Korean women used to bathe the men's clothes there throughout the Korean war) that the government built a beautiful stream above the other one where Koreans can soak their feet and walk through in the Summer. Nice........................

I'm just lovin' and feedin' on this culture. It's just getting better every day. It's so interesting to me, and these people are so accommadating. It's very surreal! I never thought I would find bliss again............................................
PS-That "Cheesy" pic of me up top is me making fun of Koreans. In every pic, Koreans give the victory sign (I'm not sure why..lol), but that is me just being a fool, and giving into the customs...lol. When in Rome????

Friday, September 4, 2009

For Bry, Paul and Danny Boy

to my best buddies (and my crazy brother Dan), this one is for you. I am loving life over here too much, God bless, I never thought I would have these kind of experiences again.... I am absolutely in love with life, the flower of which nectar I am sucking. The nectar is too sweet, and I am a lucky man....the food is delectable, the people are friendly, and the women are indescribable and so lovable...trust me .........Gan Bei (Cheers). Listen to this...... it's a celebration of life........................as it should be....................................